Three things I want for next year.

-For Mike to be my friend again.

-For Dale to love me as much as I do him.

-For college to be a great success, no anxiety, and make good friendships.

That’s all. Sorry to you non-existent people for not posting in a while. Things have been a bit bad here recently.

Creative minds.

So, I’ve decided to get my creative ass back in gear and start drawing/writing again. I’m shit at both, but y’know. It’s relaxing.

ALSO:

This years Christmas wish-list:

1. Some GHDs. Probably slightly cheaper ones from eBay. But I’m starting to have my doubts.
2. An exercise bike. Yayyy! I love exercise bikes. They have, are, and always will be my favourite exercising machine. And it really helps with the whole anxiety shit.
3. Other stuff. Like books, clothes etc.

It’s going to be way awesome this year. Well, present wise. I love my Mum .

So anyway. My new resolution is to get down to a size 16, top and bottom. At least. By my sixteenth birthday. It shouldn’t be too hard – that’s 6 months away.

I’ve also found it difficult to eat recently. I think it’s mostly because I’ve come to the swift realisation I cannot afford to want to eat. I need to eat, so I’m eating the basic, but apart from that I don’t want to eat anything too bad. It just makes me feel nauseous and guilty.

Hm. I’m just….ahhhhh. It’s all gravy, here, baby.

I might post my goals up.

And alas, before I leave, I shall give this. Ahahahaha, wtf?

Hum de hum.

Today was fun. I went out with friends, who I’ve not seen in a long while. And a guy called Jamie. Who, as nice as he may be, needs to learn boundaries. Seriously. If a girl hasn’t wanted to go out with you for months, she never will. Get over it. Or at least try to, and stop making passes.

Anyway, it was nice. But I’m sad. If there was one person that I don’t really want just pulled out of my life, it’s Liv. I’d go so mental if she left. I don’t want her to, AT ALL. Her Dad…uh, don’t even get me fucking started. What a loser. He’s an ARSEHOLE. He can’t treat her the way he has, and pull her away from his life. His marriage didn’t fail because of her. It failed because of him. She doesn’t want to be with him, she wants to be near Grace and look after her Mum in case she gets really ill again.

And most of all, I don’t think she wants to make friends all over again. And I don’t want to lose a best friend. Never never never. She’s too important.

Life here seems alright, and I’m started to get focused. Properly, this time. Not that old, ‘Yeah! I’m gonna get focused! No one can stop me!’ kind of thing, but it seems to be happening on it’s own. And I am enjoying myself. I don’t know. Is this what happiness feels like? Probably not. I still feel suicidal and like cutting and hurting myself because I don’t like myself, and I probably never will.

I’m stupid.

Anyway, TTFN blogging world. It’s nice to talk again. .