I feel less like a failure today.

I can almost taste August 20th and moreover, September 21st I am going to make jaws drop when I return with hair all cut off, great outfits (hopefully will be able to borrow Buffy’s stuff legitimately) and yeaaaah. Hopefully will get better at make up/doing make up.

Why can I taste all this? Because I have gone a day without eating anything bad. Nor do I want to! I have felt like this for the past week. I’ve only binged ‘cause I forced myself too. I passed over lemon tart today (om nom nom nom). I feel brilliant, and sexy. Well not sexy. But brilliant!

I have rediscovered The Spill Canvas. They are quite good. I forgot how much I liked them. ‘Saved’ is a pretty awesome track. I might listen to some old songs like Bracelets etc.

Um, Sims is pretty fun atm. I have a couple with two kids…the mum is gonna get cheated on by the Dad soon. LOL.

“I was hoping to tell you this with two feet on the ground, but I don’t think I can really talk ‘cause I’m not really stable right now.” <3333

That’s all folks. Much love.

Don’t let the milk float ride, you’re so natural, so religiously unkind.

I have had two days of unadulterated binging. I feel like shit. But I cannot change the past. I must go up and onwards. I realised I needed many things for ultimate beauty and preening:

Hair dryer.
Moisturiser for face.
Primer.
Regular outings out places. Where? I’m not sure.

Etc.

I am so tired right now. I feel depressed. I don’t like being home, and seeing my Mum cry. I don’t like being like this, and feeling like resorting to doing bad things (like cutting). I don’t like how helpless I still feel. I mean, I need help. I need to see a psychologist. I hear shit sometimes, and see things. I know they are not real, but it can get disturbing. I want to go back to college and see Keith. Which is a really bad thing, isn’t it? He’s an extremely older man. He’s married. He has a child (upon which he dotes on – and who is only 4 years younger than me). And most of all, he’s my teacher. AND A MANCUNIAN. What is wrong with me? I don’t even know what I like so much about him. He’s not totally physically attractive. It’s just his personality. But his personality is irritating. Which leaves me at ???

I thank God no one (at least, I know) reads this blog. I would be so ashamed! LOL.

I need to continue and finish reading Crime and Punishment this summer. I also need to read Ideologies. That may be all, I don’t know. Hopefully I’ll get some other good books out of the way. I might read some political novels like 1984. Or A Clockwork Orange. I like reading. Why did I stop? Oh yeah, I discovered obsessive relationships, and started daydreaming and becoming far more mindless ^_-

This is it for today. Peace out chaps.
x<3